In every step of the way

Memories are Created Even by Short Moments

I’m just assaulted with different thoughts and emotions while packing things (in a turtle-like pace) at the moment.

Why is it that whatever circumstances brought us in one place and however we lived our life there and how much time we spent, we have this feeling of affinity (like fondness to a person or a pet) that leaving is so heavy in the heart. Maybe too, because we try to make the best that we can do to make our stay in the place better, if not the best.

Packing is another thing. Yes, the physical aspect. Hah! First, It's personal, then again, people here are also busy in their own daily chores. Delegating the task to non-member of the family needs close supervision because you don’t want to open every boxes looking for a particular thing when you have settled to another place. It seems a luxury (the time and the help) at the moment. Maybe later,  we can ask someone to assist in lifting heavy ones and some cleanings too (volunteers are welcome).

I love the house. It was built in the early 60’s but was renovated recently. The sliding doors made of glass added elegance and style to the big and ancient building. The blending of modern and old makes the atmosphere a welcoming sight and appealing to someone who love something different but familiar too, in many ways.

I will miss the terrace, most of all. It is grand. You can see almost everything around because it’s the only building that has the luxury of retaining the old style of Spanish houses –with terraces in almost every house. The four rooms, the large kitchen (with cupboards for everything), the living room which we use as our “temporary gym” when we find the time to have our aerobics with friends (you can imagine how big it is), and of course, the two big bathrooms with showers, etc… it really makes me melancholic, thinking of leaving it soon.

But that’s life, isn’t it? We have to go on. We have to live the kind of life we choose. No misunderstandings with my words. It’s just the woman in me talking, about the sentimental side of leaving familiar things which have been a part of your life, even how short those times were.

There are things that are temporary in nature, and there are things that will be for forever; the things that we prioritize and the reasons why we have to go on with our journey, whatever path we have to tread upon.

Effective Ways to “Break the Ice” after an Argument with Your Partner

I will skip up the chronological order of my “travel” (A Woman’s Journey) from childhood to the present. I would like to respond first to a friend’s question “How to break the ice after having an argument with a spouse without losing your pride?”I think this need to be addressed first.

First of all, I wanted to say “thank you” for trusting me with this, and I hope all will be well soon.

It is but natural to have an argument especially for newlyweds. There is no guarantee that marriage will be the end of misunderstandings and relationship’s problems. Be it long or short engagement doesn’t guarantee that you and your spouse knew each others' every nooks and deepest feelings. You are two different individuals that agreed to start your journey together as man and wife. It says “both” meaning, you are partners…in everything.

Living separately before the wedding, and living together afterwards, are two different things. In every change, however small the change is, there will always be an adjustment.

The start of misunderstanding/s might be a small thing. It is usually the way it was brought out that kindles the flame. The problem is; no one wanted to accept who is at fault. Why? Because of this culprit called “pride” which each has, and no one wanted to bow down. Each has his/her own reasons, and each one, believes he/she is right.

How to mend this? Read and try these in your life:

·         Set house rules. Before marriage, both should set some marriage rules in anticipation of any “troubles”. If you haven’t done this before marriage, it’s not too late to start making now. The rules should benefit both. It should not authoritative. The rules should have the concept of making the relationship strong and make the adjustments easier.

·         Write down your feelings. Newlyweds are still hesitant or shy in expressing her feelings or thoughts (even if it is one of the house rules: “speak what you feel or think”) and let the spouse read it by himself. It is better, because the spouse can understand and think better if he has the time to digest.

·         Say sorry. Maybe it is hard, especially if you think you’re right. What if your partner thinks he is, too? It is hard to swallow your pride but it’s worth it when it takes away the wall between the two of you. Try saying it first and believe me, your spouse will say “I’m sorry too.” If he won’t, his pride is bigger than he is, and it’s spells trouble.

·         Talk about the cause. When both are already in “kissing mood” again, discuss the issue. This will answer the “why”, the “what” and the “will be” of the argument. You can both avoid the misunderstanding about the same subject again.

·         Avoid shouting matches. All of these should be in the “house rules or marriage rules.” Arguments can be called “brain storming” too. Isn’t it nice? Discussing means sharing what the other thinks, feels and wants. This way, both of you will know each other better.

·         Make allowance for each other’s shortcomings. Man and woman are created different. However, these differences should complement each other. Adjustment periods don’t have time frames. Every day, you learn something different from each other. Treat it positively, like “discovery.”

·         Point out or criticize with respect. No one will tell a person his “negative” traits with care, only someone closest to his/her heart. Grow with each other. Enhance each other’s “gifts.”

·         Be nice and sweet. It is not only in “honeymoon” stage that the couple is sweet to each other. These nice words and sweetness are the simple daily spices which will nurture your feelings with each other. Be gentle even in your anger. You spouse will love you more for these traits.

·         Help each other. There is a demarcation line between the man and wife. They should talk about it, the when and how. However, the man helping his wife with the house doesn’t lessen her “manliness” but the opposite. The wife, especially if she is capable, can help her man with his work by suggestions and research.  Even just by listening, she helps and shares her husband’s workloads.

·         Have fun together. Being together at home is fun enough but doing something out from it is enjoyable too, and healthy. Engaging in sports or going out even once a week is healthy for you and for your relationship.

There are so many books and friends that offer advices and ways to make the marriage works. However, it is on the “players” hands that lays the victory. The kind of foundation plays a great role in marriage success. Love and respect are the best foundations that make the any relationship lasts.

I wish everyone, especially this particular friend, a happy and lasting marriage.

A Woman's Journey

It's been a while I haven't posted anything in my blog. It's because I've been learning new things and writing at the same time. I posted the links where you can read my published works.

I wanted to share so many things, but I will start with topics which I really can say "my niche".

I will let you travel with me through my writings about a woman's journey: as a child, as a young girl, as a girlfriend, as a bride, as a wife, as a mother...and so on.

These topics are enlightening since these are based not only from experiences but from formal learning; theories based on facts and research.

These are my ways of reaching out. Feel free to comment and ask questions, I will listen, express my thoughts and share it with you.

This is my journey, this is yours, and this is ours. Let’s share the travel to the road where women tread. Let us know how she hurdles the trials and how she enjoys the privileges of being a woman.

This is also for the parents, for better understanding of your child; for the boyfriends, to know how a girlfriend feels; for the husbands, to know the deepest secret of a woman and her fears and her joy. This is for a family that shares the joy and burdens of each other.

Happy reading and happy travelling with me through “ a woman’s journey.”

Good day and God bless!

The Filipino New Year’s Common Customs, Traditions and Beliefs

The New Year’s customs and traditions change as the years go by but the essence  of the celebration remains the same. I can still remember the way my parents prepare sumptuous foods which the family will share at midnight after praying, before the New Year signals its arrival. However poor or rich people are, they really give it a blast… to have something unusual or “bonggang handaan “ which means in local  lingo as very grand celebration of the New Year. 

The difference between the statuses of life is the way they celebrated this special event. The well-to-do families throw a party or attend parties of friends, while the less fortunate celebrates New Year with just the family members around; also, the kind of foods and entertainment, will tell the difference.The common denominator between the rich and poor is the spirit of preparing something and anything to welcome the arrival of the New Year.

Some of the common New Year's practices of Filipinos are: 

• Preparation of round-shaped fruits. Others say 7 kinds while others say 12 kinds of these fruits which signify the 12 months of the year. Round-shaped fruits because these represent prosperity and bountiful harvest or opportunity. 
• Wearing polka-dot dress or clothing. The same concept as the fruits. 
• General house cleaning. This is to drive away the past misfortunes and negative vibes of the previous year.
• Buying of new things. People’s beliefs that what you have, prepare or do before the year ends will be the measuring stick of what the incoming year will provide.
• Blowing of horns, banging something or making noise, and fireworks. These are believed to be casting off of evils or bad elements.
• Children jumping when midnight strikes. This belief signifies that young people will grow taller when they jump 10 times or as many and as high as they can.
• Cooking and preparing assorted foods. Like all the above-mentioned beliefs, this one means abundance and prosperity. People believe that if you prepare much and different foods, the incoming year will give you more blessings and you will not experience hunger. 
• The undying preparation and presentation of lechon (roasted pig) as the main symbol of prosperity in the banquet or festivities

With more or less 120 Philippine languages or Filipino dialects, practices and customs vary among its group. However and whatever the variations and differences of the preparation and celebration of New Year’s are, the simple fact remains; people in one country or people around the globe celebrate New Year regardless of culture, of distance, of race, and of religious faith.

A very positive and bountiful New Year to everyone!

Happy New Year!

It's now past 11pm, just a few more minutes and the old year will leave to give way to the new one. Here at the terrace, I can see the fireworks, hear the loud music, and see people walking even at this late hour. The signs of merry-making seem everywhere...and yet, I feel sad. 

Maybe it's the place, or maybe it's because it's the first time in years that we spent it alone, just the two of us...or maybe, we're getting older and the "silence" of the place heightens the feeling of "aloneness", or the usual things that  we used to have (the company, the foods, and the partying until dawn) are absent, and maybe I’m missing it? ...or maybe, because New Year is special and most people welcome it with noise and stay awake until midnight or till the wee hours of the morning, which this new place do not adhere too much.

Whatever, I don't want to be melancholic because I can still remember the old saying "never sigh nor feel sad or shed a tear in welcoming the New Year because you will be like that for a year", and who wants to be sad for that long? Huh! No one, of course, so I have to start channeling my mind to some positive thoughts and do some fruitful deeds (like writing something, just to shoo away the bad feelings...or look for something to eat and just have a yakult nearby in case of indigestion ) and greet the New Year with a smile, in my lips and in my heart.

Once again, I’m thanking the modern technology for inventing cell phones and internet which made possible the greetings and wishes of friends and loved ones to be sent and received regardless of distance and time difference.

Just a tick away and its midnight already…5…4…3…2…1…it’s New Year! 2011 is here and I’m still wide awake to welcome it. Horns are blowing…pots, cans, fireworks…everyone’s way of greeting the New Year. Happy New Year! I do hope, this year, it is really a happy new year.

After the noise subsided, and before I go to sleep, I will be on my knees to say my thanks and ask for forgiveness for whatever I have done wrong in the previous year…to wish for fruitful and blissful year, and to ask HIM to guide me, us, in this New Year of unseen journey. God Bless!

Some Insights on Marriage

Some Insights on Marriage